The day god is on leave

Ever since I was introduced the world of numbers number crunching has been a firewalk for me and memorizing numbers - a hard nut to crack. Be it dates, phone numbers, years or even my own birth day I found myself at the foot of Mount Everest. I am an autarkic human being always except for instances in which I had to don the role of a pantomime artist or reduce the toughness of my voice and ask some one in the examination hall ‘Today’s date, please?’ The query made certain scoff with a sense of mockery “You don’t know today’s date, dude?” I never answered back and most often smirked with one reply ‘Albert Einstein didn’t knew his own phone number and what is the necessity in knowing ones number when we have a diary , calendar or people around who are accessible for information?’ Most often the retaliation made the combatant wag down his tail.

My daily routine starts with enjoying the beauty of nature by giving my ears to the natural sounds amidst the morning calm in contrast to the cacophony of the city on the way to work. There is one particular day; I tune myself in such away that everything that the ear receives will have a special filtering since there is an attack in the air always. All for the sole reason; like every other creature in this cosmos, I don’t want myself to be bamboozled by some one or be the object for some one to yell at the top of his or her voice “April fool”.

It was my maternal uncle who made me ostracize myself from anything on 1st of April. It was a fine Sunday morning and I was sipping coffee in a cozy couch in the verandah, eyeballing passersby who were treading the gravel road in front of my house .Mean while the gate squeaked and it was my maternal uncle.

‘Some one threw a cigarette and Tharang cinema is on fire. You didn’t hear the fire force bell?’ He said slipping off his chappals.

I was totally flabbergasted and within minutes I was on my rally bicycle scurrying towards the picture house. I pedaled hard and wanted to be there in a jiffy .It was not my love for the theatre nor being a witness for a macro attack of fire. I had a penchant for collecting whatever I came across, be it stamps, coins, match box stickers, cigarette packs etc. Thus I was a philatelist, numismatist and whatever rolled into one. My cigarette pack collection had an abrupt ending when my grandma mistook that I was a connoisseur of cigarettes even though I never had one in my life.

The new corner shop near my alma mater made me venture into a new hobby. Old film bits which once created chemical imbalances in people’s minds and made them howl, cry, and laugh. Sunset meetings with my cousin made me learn the art of projecting films and my family had the privilege of watching still emotions of Amitabh and Dharmendra on the white kitchen wall. At thirteen I took every family member by storm and was filled with pride, even the Lumiere brothers wouldn’t have been that proud. I was not the sole customer of the corner store. Since it was a monopoly and pure sellers market we were not entertained to have any selection .So there involved trade between the customers of the bits. Barter system was followed and Amitabhji’s bit was the one which fetched the maximum exchange rate. A close up of the six foot two tall fellow was worth ten other bits.

Several frames reeled through my mind like a movie–theatre getting immersed in to a pool of fire, operator unwinding the film from the reel and throwing it out, helmet clad fire men with thick hose pumping gallons of water to set the fire off, people at each other's throats to get film rolls .No I wont give that to any one. I said to myself. The feeling made me pedal with great zeal.

Within ten minutes I was at the scene, perplexed to see everything in apple-pie order. I enquired about the fire at a nearby shop. The shopkeeper smiled and said ‘some on has fooled you like any thing; today is 1st of April, don’t you know?’ That was a revelation for me- A big one...

From child hood days I have noticed that no one possess birthday on1st of April. There may be two reasons, either god is on leave on 1st of April or Moms know the art of postponing delivery. This is scope for wide some research in this topic. The hypothesis is “No one is born on 1st of April”. Will the null hypothesis be proved or not? Only time will tell.

God is great?

I am here lying still, unable to make a jerk, move my lips or fingers and enjoying the panoramic view of the sky. Thank god if I fell upside down I wouldn’t have had this delight. The stars seem like more lustrous than ever before. I can see them more intelligibly-the great bear, the plough, the pole star. All those astronomy stuff I gobbled in class nine. What was that? Was that a dog or a big rat which is a menace to the farmer? All I can recollect is that it was a diminutive figure, brown in color, the skin was shiny as if like it had a roll on some greasy matter. Feeling of hitting on a boxing kit was registered on the legs even though motor wheel did the job. But where is the fellow who made me lay down here for the past one hour? Is he dead or unable to make a move or cry out like me?

A chilled breeze kissed me like a mom caressing her baby. The coat made from fine Australian fur was the finest companion in such cold winter. Thanks to Joe for advising me to drape in this fur coat. I would be the sole guy in this world who was gone out of town overnight one of the most important days of ones life "wedding day" ,that too for getting a tape of from my best friend Joe to play on my first night. I wanted to speak to my better half with Frank sinatra's voice in the back ground .There was perfect silence and the crickets chirping seemed like a symphony to the ears. How far am I from Edinburgh? What was the number scribed on the milestone 4 miles before? Was that seventy seven or ninety seven?

The hit was not that hard and it seems like the helmet has rolled away from my head and I fell back wards. The whole world might be sleeping now. After that a lot of cars and trucks have vroom by. They may not have seen me or my bike.

Destroying all silence some one wanted me over phone every 15 to 30 minutes. Who would be that? Martha- the girl I am supposed to walk down the aisle at benedict church tomorrow at eleven or my mom who has been all prayers for changing my mind turned out to make me tie the knot and have a family life.

Thank god I feel zilch pain. It seems like my head has been badly hit. I have heard that people who have come across accidents don’t feel much pain or am I in a comma? If that is the case I have to plead for euthanasia. But how is that possible? I can’t even open my mouth. If that is the case what about my marriage? Will Martha settle for a guy is bed ridden may be for the entire life?

Finally sunrays started kissing me, like a a ray of hope, the sole chance for me probably. Time started going on and at last I have seen that an unknown face looking at me and his face was red. He disappeared from my sight and after that several faces visited me as if like unknown people visiting my orkut account, leaving no scraps, no friend requests.

Then I saw a sea of faces looking at me. I heard some one yelling “some one call the ambulance lets take him to the medico’. So some fellows carried me and the beacon sound that lasted for some time. So I was on the way to the hospital. The two unknown faces, probably the attendants perched beside me .They were staring as life they have something ferocious, eyes were bulging out and pupils enlarged At last the sound stopped and I found my self in motion and it came to a halt in a room with a lot of medical paraphernalia. The equipment hung around the collar made me recognize the one who came for the diagnosis. He reached for my hand, checked the pulse and all those check ups he could do with bare hands .Un clogging the ears with the stethoscope in a pale voice he said “ He is no more ,he died 7 hrs back”. Yes of course I died exactly the same time I hit that brown guy whom I am unaware of.